Please, let me fuck your mom
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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