just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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