i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
