Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize