Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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