I need to stop coming to work sober
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
