After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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