All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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