The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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