While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
