fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
where am i from again
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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