yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
