I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
