I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
