dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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