Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
