Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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