I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
