dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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