"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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