I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Please don't give away my fajitas
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
