Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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