So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
