Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
