I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
