A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I puked a lego.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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