Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
