Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
