It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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