the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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