with your own penis?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
