i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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