ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
