I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
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I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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