Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
