was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
