If that was your dad, he is hot
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
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Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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