1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
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He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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