Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Girls should come with a carfax report
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
