Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
