also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
