girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
