ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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