The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
