We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
