what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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