You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
