Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
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getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
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The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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