my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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