Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The air taste purple.
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