Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
farters have to be the big spoon...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
