i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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