I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
