just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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