I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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