and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
