dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
