dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
