Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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