question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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