you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
