Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
