So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
