Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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